For Nora VI

Nora,
today I am not myself.
Today I am contemplating
the sale of my guitar
to line my pockets with silver
to make a film star's getaway
into Canada.
Nora,
today I am eschewing the physical Stranger
for the virtual.
Even my handwriting isn't mine.
I keep losing my train of thought like
she's not and
I'm not
quite where we meant to be.
Like lead in my blood, Nora,
just sitting at the bottom of my veins
slowly stopping a trickle
until I've simply gone blue.

And I keep losing my train
of thought like
she's not and I'm not
even gone yet.

Like she's someone I should still
be blanking for.
Nora
I think I'm realizing
that I am much happier
when I am alone.
But I keep losing my memories
like I am a drifter
and I don't feel like myself today
but I don't remember me anymore
because

I'm not like
she is
or she's not like
I am
and rising from it
hurts,
Nora.
I can't write myself out of me.

I am not myself today.
I keep losing my train of thought.