I dreamt last night
maybe of you
I dreamt of a wolf
in the doorway
with sad eyes
and a man's grin
I dreamt of sunshine
the color of your eyes
slipping in keyholes
highlighting the dust
making shadows
fingers at the lock
I dreamt last night
maybe of you
I dreamt of a house
caught fire from a match
lit with gusto
and fallen with disinterest
I dreamt of pebbles
the colors of fur
smooth and light
washed by rain
held in young palms
wished upon in whispers
I dreamt last night
maybe of you
I dreamt of a man
in a corridor
with wolfish eyes
and a sad grin
I dreamt of a dream
something familiar
sideways glances
hands between knees
a rocking motion
too nervous to wake
3 comments:
A sad eyed wolf with a mans grin.
A wolf eyed man with a sad grin.
Hey, I'm really glad you're reading my work and liking it. I don't know if you're offering these lines as possible constructive criticism edits.
That said, if you are, your lines are great -- for you. They, while seeming to simply be rearrangments of my original intent, don't really fit the line breaks and out-loud rhythm of the piece. Your lines really show, and don't tell, but those parts of the poem are supposed to be showing, not telling.
Sorry I'm late getting back here.
No I'm not offering those lines as criticism. I'm not that good.
Just some words that cause interesting pictures in my head.
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